Tip #13 – Not Just Physical. What Constitutes Abuse?

Domestic violence is commonly defined by battering or physical abuse in most of our minds, characterized by behaviors ranging from shaking and shoving to beating and marital rape (yes! you can say no to a husband/partner) and everything up to murder.  But, legally domestic abuse may or may not include physical violence and most people don’t know that! 

Domestic abuse is about power and control.  The abuse can be solely emotional, with such behaviors as violent tantrums or intimidating the person with threats of violence; constant belittling and insults (when alone or with others); extreme possessiveness and accusations of unfaithfulness, especially if the person gets even minute attention from the opposite sex; stalking; torture like depriving the person of food or sleep, taking away their clothes, destroying property; harming beloved pets and isolating the person from family, friends and avenues for help. 

Domestic abuse can also be financial including controlling all finances (sometimes the person doesn’t even know how to balance a checkbook or pay bills) and making the person have to beg for money; not allowing the person to earn a living outside the home so the person is dependent on the abuser.

Drug/alcohol abuse exacerbate the abuse or violence in a relationship but they are not the cause, the reason or, in any way, an excuse for abuse or violence.  Batters batter because they can and can get away with it.  Bottom line.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  If you need immediate help, call National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD).  Crime Prevention 101